I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It's like God shit irony all over that family
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
