Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
