I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize