I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
