but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
