i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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