The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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