If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
