After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
