You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Your dad touched me again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
