My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
