Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
