Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
