Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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