Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
