this beer tastes like vomit already
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize