His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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