you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
