Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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