I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
