if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
