I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
