his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
