I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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