I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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