I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Randomize
