I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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