Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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