Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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