he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
