i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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