remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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