those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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