He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
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