So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I want to fling myself into the sun
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
