My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
