i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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