New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
