I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
