How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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