I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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