I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
