I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
