so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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