Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
