Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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