OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
