dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
