There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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