Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
