guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
