I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
