Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
