i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
