Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ketchup is God's man juice
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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