I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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