Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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