btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
