At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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