Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
