I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
