so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
