yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
