people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He better not be in your backpack
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I believe in your delicious
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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