I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
