You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't deserve a penis
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
