I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize