I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
