This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
