i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
