none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
