Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
