If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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