fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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