cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize