I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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