just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
