Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
