Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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