getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The struggles of a small town man whore
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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