the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
