If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
