Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The air was thick with penises
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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