after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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