I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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