How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
