I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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