Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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