doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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