hotel room ftw
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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