i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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