I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
