Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
