my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
