I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
