he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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