sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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