I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
