I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
