And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
