if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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