Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
