Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
